Part III - Disenchantment

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It wasn’t long before Anne Marie and I began to argue often over her time away from the children and the money that was not flowing into the house. We were unable to pay our bills or buy food to feed our daughters. We were always being ordered to the Org for one thing or another on our days off to handle things because our stats were low. So we were forever dumping our children off at relatives‘ houses so that we could handle things. Finally one evening both of our parents came over because of our crazy behavior. My wife did all the talking and spewed out the church’s edict that she had been programmed to say. I sat there horrified but said nothing out of total fear. I desperately wanted to say something, but because of my wife’s post and devotion to the creed, I could not. I feared I would lose her and my children, through scientology’s enforced policy of disconnection, if I spoke up and told her how I really felt. Our parents showed us material they found on the Internet about the dangers of Scientology. After they left we placed all of the material in an envelope like it was a disease. Later that night after everyone else was asleep, I went down stairs to read what they left us and saw the horrible things that this so called “religion” was doing to it members and staff.

The next day, we handed the materials in to Scientology’s Office of Special Affairs (often referred to as OSA). We were called in one at a time and asked if we read any of the material. We both vigorously denied doing any such thing, yet to my astonishment, we were told to disconnect from our families right away or “terrible” things would start to happen to us. In the mean time, I was secretly doing research at work about this “religion” and read the heart felt stories of people and families being split apart, children being taken away at young ages, deaths and other horrible things. In my mind, I began to take their names out and imagine myself or my family in their place. I realized then, that many of the same things were happening to me. After reading all this I did everything right at the Org in fear that I would be caught reading Entheta and Black PR and I would be called into ethics. I pulled myself into a shell, so afraid my wife and children were going to be taken away from me, through sheer manipulation. Things quickly turned worse in our house and I read a reference on Entheta and Black PR. This got me feeling that it was my fault for all the bad stuff happening in our home, so I stopped reading anything critical of Scientology.

As we readied the new building for the grand opening, another “all hands” was directed for all staff members to make it go right by being at the Org the whole weekend. This was an order and no counter intention was allowed. So we again dumped our children off at a relative’s house so that we could be good Scientologists. I was not at all thrilled about this, but I felt I had to fall in line. We worked Friday night from 6 PM to 6 AM the next morning and were ordered back for eight thirty muster. We drove the hour home, showered, then returned. The work began sharply at 8:30 AM and went until 7:30 AM the next day. Again, we were ordered to return for eight thirty muster. My wife had put in to work a half a day because it was Mother's Day. This was of course denied due to the pressure that we had to keep the Org going and we could not fall trap to the PTS of the middle class. Then both of us went home and slept. When my wife awoke she leaned over to me and told me she never wanted to return. I hugged her out of joy and we cried for what seemed like hours. We talked about why she did not want to return and I was glad she saw through the deception that we both were blind to, for so long. She also told me she missed me, the children and our way of life before Scientology. This was when the real horror began.

Return to Part II - The Black Hole

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