Part II - The Black Hole

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As the holidays approached, I put in for the time off and it was disapproved. I went right to the ED, Jeff Carlson, since he was my direct senior. Jeff told me of how he had missed many holidays so that he could clear the planet. Jeff told me I was PTS to the middle class for wanting to take time off on a holiday and spend it with my family. He stated since all the other staff members were going to be there, I should too, so that I was part of the group. My wife and family were not at all happy with this, but I stood up and told them that if I was going to clear the planet, I had to do this. Somewhere inside my head, I did not believe this, but I did not want to be blamed for any counter intention against the Org. As my time on staff continued, I began to sacrifice more and more hours away from home to be part of the group. I was also giving up sleep to be there more. I worked most days on three to four hours of sleep, unless I was going on course. In that case, I either went in late to my wog job or found places to sleep just so I could be student able. Soon management told us of a “big” announcement that was coming our way. So big, it was going to key out the public and the Org would go Saint Hill size in no time. We began to prepare for the event that was going to unveil the anouncement of the purchase of the new building. I invited my wife to this big occasion, but she did not want to attend. Anne Marie and the kids did not want to sit through such a long event. I was cornered by five top level Sea Org members, Gena Sudz, Wayne Furness, Fred Harris and two others to make sure Anne Marie attended. They told me that I had counter intention on this event and how would it look if my wife did not attend, because of my post in the Org. With some persuasion she agreed. This ironically, was one of the best and worst mistakes I have ever made, as I look back now. Anne Marie ended up coming to the “big” event and like the rest of the public was blown away by it. At this affair they reg’d everyone they could into joining staff, including my wife!

My wife agreed to work part time at the Org, but that all changed. The day after the event, everyone who joined staff was to come in and start on their Routing to Staff form. This as told by a Sea Org member was going to be a quick cycle and she would be out in time to get home and enjoy the rest of the day. I hoped that was going to be the case, but doubted it. Because I prepared for the event, I only slept 2 hours the whole weekend. It required “all hands” to prepare for this to go down smoothly. Well as I now realize, never trust a Sea Org member. The quick cycle turned out to be an eight hour one, and on top of it all, I was ordered in to continue the out flow that I had started the night before. I took my children with me to the Org so that I could be on post. My kids got there at 12:00 PM and did not leave until their mother was done some six hours later. I was forbidden to leave my post to check on them or get them something to eat, because that would be treason according to Jeff the Executive Director. And if I left to go check on them, he would immediately put me into that condition. When I finally got home that night, Anne Marie was sitting on the couch ready to tell me something important. She told me she was joining staff full time and was quitting her job to do this. I went thought the roof. I told her staff did not pay well and asked how were we going to get by. She then told me with a displeased tone, ”well if you get rid of the counter intention, we will.” The next day she quit her job, turned over her hat and went straight to the Org. That first week she worked eighty plus hours. After driving the hour commute to the Org and standing through staff muster, I was told by my wife to take the kids home because she had to finish her cycles there.

As the grand opening of the new building approached, the Org needed “all hands” from every staff member to help out. So I would work nine to ten hours at my wog job, three hours on post, and four hours on the “all hands” project. I was even ordered on days that I was not on post to be there to help out. After doing this schedule for four months, I became a walking zombie and my will was gone. When I was told to do something, I did it no questions asked because I was afraid of the ethics that might come down on me. I began to ask to alter my schedule so that I could get some rest. I was becoming ill from lack of sleep. I was told by Jeff Carlson ED, Chris Mancose FBO and several other Scientologists that it was not my schedule that was causing me to become ill, but rather my wog job because of the chemicals I worked with. They told me to pay for my purif, quit my job and I would feel better. Anne Marie was also ordered to talk to me about this because her stats were low and she needed to handle me on the subject. I did not go on staff full time because I started to feel disenchanted with working there. I was thinking to myself, this was not what I originally signed up for. Worse yet, I knew I could not let anyone know because security checks were being given, like candy at Halloween.

Return to Part I - My Indoctrination

Continue to Part III - Disenchantment

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